The Rolling Jesus Tour
copyright 2010-2014
@aladreth
I read this.
I read this to him.
I said, "What do you think?"
He said, "Different."
He doesn't get me.
Do you get me?
We like Jesus. Many people like
Jesus, Love Him, have a relationship
with Him, hear Him speak ... some
Christians like Jesus.
Witches, you
might guess don't like Jesus.
You would be wrong.
They love Jesus too.
It was a magical tour, rolling on machines
like wheelchairs - like amusement park trams,
like ski lifts - just like fun.
Fun all around for everyone. So much damn fun.
My friend for thirty years and I road
"The Rolling Jesus Tour."
She's an ex meth addict. Weighed less
than a Buck-O back when,
was sleeping without sheets.
Without Water.
And other dignities.
I took her son from her many years ago. I also
took a shiny dolphin sign and a Wizard of Oz magnet.
Oh, maybe a few more things too. Things I thought
I could protect from her burning herself to death.
I couldn't catch the cats.
There was raw meat on the kitchen counter.
"Officials" had already come.
Her husband, who later died in a "freak accident,"
took the comic books and floor tile.
I bought her
groceries.
Sometimes Taco Bell.
But, I had to get tough.
Had to practice tough love.
Had to hang up the phone on her.
Had to break in to her house a few times.
Had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do.
Now she's recovered.
Had nothing to do with me.
I do not take credit.
She used to be so skanky.
Now she's nice.
I gave her son back to her.
Sorta. He's grown now.
I kept the dolphin 'cos she didn't want it anymore.
I bought her a pair of ruby red slippers
to replace the magnet.
"You are sober. There's no place like home,"
I told her at a meeting and made her cry.
In case you aren't aware,
ex-addicts can be the absolute worse when it comes
to being radical conservatives. She likes
Sarah Palin. I don't. But, I like my friend.
I just delete all her e-mails that are forwards.
On our tour,
There was a great big Jesus
in a pool. The pool was in a sea.
The sea had big raggedy cloths of oil
and fish with oil
on their fins, backs, and in their mouth.
So much oil. The poor things. But,
What if we fall in the sea as we roll over it?
We'll sue.
We will sue the people who made the great big
Jesus, the people who made the great big Rolling
Jesus Tour. We will sue the Ocean. The God.
The Obama. The Allah Akbar. With a bullet.
We will sue.
If we fall in the sea.
Jesus was casually leaning back on the stairs
of the pool, His great big Hand placed on His
Crotch - paying homage to the great R & B and
Pop stars? Did He approve of Rap Music? Or could
it mean He was thinking of all the great big girls
in bikinis - the Stantonesque Girls because Jesus
liked them? Why not? Why wouldn't Jesus like them?
They were nice.
Maybe He didn't want us to know He liked them.
Therefore, He would cover His Crotch with His Hand.
Maybe it meant nothing.
There was so much to think about.
Art is like that.
Jesus leaned over, pulled a snail out of the sea
and ate it.
Was it to prove to us Vegetarians it was okay to
eat meat? Or could it mean he was delaying His
Second Coming - a snail's pace, My child, sending
a snail-mail in form of oven burned book. Shiny
ribbon soiled with fish oil. Gallbladder bursting
from beating the Muslim turned Christian.
There was so much to think about.
Maybe it meant nothing.
Art is like that.
The tour ended with a tiny little girl dressed
in pink and a Breast Cancer Awareness drive.
Pink things everywhere ... no one screaming as they
road through a cemetery, "Thank God I'm alive, all you
fuckers are dead, so go suck an egg." No, just a
drive for money. But, we had not brought any money.
We'll take a pledge. Sure, we'll sign a pledge.
Can we get down off our rollers? Follow the girl
in pink? Pink t-shirt, pink ribbons, pink earrings,
pink coaster pants, pink skipping shoes, pink laces.
The Rolling Jesus Tour was finished. A memory.
All the time we could not tell
if they wanted us to hate Jesus or love
Him. We could not tell.
We used to be smart.
We used to could tell.
They ... they have confused us, confuzzled us,
made us stupid, made us lazy, greedy and
hooked on video games.
We will sue. We will sue The Obama. The God.
The Allah Akbar. The Sea.
